Black, White, Grey.....

This is what I am thinking while I am flying over the ocean to reach that other part of the world that for the time being I call home.
Black and white because as I think about my month in Italy and my return to Phoenix I find myself focusing on the positive and negative sides of both places and the life I lead in each of them.
Why am I doing this? well, don't really know, my mind drags me down this path and I cannot help following it and gewtting involved in it more than I planned or would like to, because I can already foresee where it will take me...probably not where I want to be while trying to concentrate about this new season in Phoenix and all the great things it will bring...because 2009 will be just a perfect gorgeuos satisfying and happy year, no matter what.
So I close my eyes, the plane is almost empty and I can lay down in 3 seats, as if I was in bed, and my mind starts the game of comparison....Bologna in the center of my heart with the vibrant social life, my old and dear girlfriends, their support, our chats and laughs, the pleasant walking distances, the weekends at the beach or somewhere around Italy, the convenience of taking a plane and being in another country....Phoenix in the center of my mind because it's where I live and where I have to lead my daily life, Phoenix with its unbeatable weather, its commodities, my house, my cats, my independency, Michelle and our crazy nights out, learning to golf, riding my convertible with the top down, my curls not affected by the humidity, being too far to hop on a plane and visit friends...yes, this is one of the grey areas...if I know I can take a flight and be in someone's arms in 1 hour, I want to do it every weekend and it breakes my heart not being able to, reason why I am happy to be so far not to able to even think about that, as impossible as it is, feeling immediately better, given the situation...in the same grey way, if I am indipendent sometimes I feel lonely, nobody to have breakfast with and to say good morning to as soon as I wake up, but feeling good because I am the one deciding what to do when and how...and while I am thinking about these grey spots between Bologna and Phoenix I realize that I should allow some grey to enter in my judgements, which are usually black or white, as it is the effect I have on other people, either they like me a lot or they don't at all, black or white, no room for indecision or mixed feelings, no grey areas that, as I discover in this moment, can sometimes make you feel better about what you think...and a wise phrase comes into my mind:"There is no right decision, you take a decision and deal with it"...bewcause sometimes black and white can be too limiting and you need to allow the grey to enter in the picture of your judgement to make it more real and maybe even more bearable.
So while I am reconsidering grey as an option (and no, not only for those grey green eyes), I find a page of my 2009 Inner Bitch calendar saying:"Everywhere is within a walking distance if you have the time"...and as nice this sentence is, in this particular moment it leaves me disappointed because once again I could not find a way out of this endless comparison between my two homes, my two countries, my two lives....and this is what grey is for me, finally MAYBE, being able to accept the good and bad sides of both places and make the most out of them both, waiting to see what the future holds for me and if at some point I will be able to take a decision...not the right one, just the one which at that moment feels right to me.
For the time being I sit in my backyard full of sun watching the pictures of teh snow in Bologna and smiling, eager to start this new year and see how it will unfold before me, knowing that it will be absolutely fantastic, just because I want it to be and I believe that it will be.