Bridge over troubled water

...when I think about this song, my face immediately comes in front of my eyes....I feel like I am the troubled water and there might even be a bridge above me but God knows where it is, I don't for sure...
As you all know I moved in my new house, beautiful gorgeous, proud of having done it all almost by myself, proud of this big step which I don't know where it will bring me to but it is alredy something, somehow....
Nevertheless, I still have this sensation of emptiness and of things not finished that troubles me big time, day and night, day after day....
I am trying to pretend it's not here, I am fine, I cook, I clean, I play with the cats, I even go out....but at a certain point here it is, under my clothes, under my feet, in the eyes of the cat or of someone looking at me for more than 3 seconds....this is what troubles me, this sense of not end, even though I don't even know what there is to end, still....
Right now I would like to solve a big thing in my life, something that used to make me smile and now it does not anymore, but it's difficult, and it upsets me too much to even think it straight...I am trying to concentrate on something else, something different, something fun..the sun, the house, the cats, the fact that I am losing weight...but it does not work, not on the long run, not when I turn off the lights and go to sleep in my lilac bedroom....
Think I could stay here and write for hours about how I feel, what I don't feel anymore and what I still feel too much....but to be honest with you it is so pointless...I just have to sit on "the beach", like my friend Gina did in Hawaii when she really needed to reflect seriously about her life and she did not get up for 7 hours, until she looked so much inside her deep self that she found the aqnswer to all her doubts fears questions...this is the only thing I have to do, find my beach, sit on it and do not get up until I arrive at a compromise with myself, until I see clearly or pretty much clearly what I want to do, what can make me happy and what I need to do....the only thing is that I am a real chicken shit, too scared to face myself because what if I don't like what I see for real?What if I don't like and cannot accept the answers that my inner self gives to my superficial self? At that point it would be a mess...so I keep procrastinating this "test" and keep on being a troubled water.....
Here the pictures of my new nest....until it lasts....the pink room feels very empty and the dollar is weak..any other reason to jump on a plane and come here?!?
tanti bacini piccolini.....