"There is the door: don't let hit it you on the way out"

This is one great sentence that my accunting teacher gave us this morning, which fits perfectly in my mood of today....
Because it looks like I cannot help making that same lame mistake over an dover and over and again over again and again and again, one more time...was it absolutely necessary?!?Don't really think so with all the mess I've been goiung through lately and who knows when it'll have an end, was it necessary? Couldn't I do without?
Dante has a special part of his HELL for that sin which I am so attracted to that I cannot stop even for my own good and peace....how many things we do discover about ourselves growing up and having the occasions to really paying attention to our behaviors and consistent mistakes and actions...I would have never thought I'd turn out to be like this, but apparently I did turn out like this and at this point the only kinda smart thing I can do is understanding this fully and try to change, somehow, or, since change is that big of a word, try to protect myself.
Strange enough it is the first time this happens to me (I'm honest...) and I would have never expected it because I guess we think these kinds unpleasant stuff happens only to other people, never to us...I guess we are wrong, I was wrong..so what? "Did I disappoint you? Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?" who knows, maybe, or maybe not and there are several other reasons to this sudden MIA...not my job to know them, but the words pronounced by that Massimo guy several years ago come back to my mind..."It does not matter how long you wait, if they want to disappear they will as soon as they get what they came for"...could be more true that this and when I feel it might start hurting, I block the thoughts and try to separate brain from heart, rational from emotional, I breathe deep and let it go, because I looked for it and now I can't complain, and also because as one of my dearest friends says:"We did it because we wanted to not because we really believed in it, right?!"...not sure she is right, you always believe in what you do or you probably wouldn't do it...for sure it's time for me to have that talk I have been trying to avoid, because after all we shouldn't behave with others in ways we would not appreciate others behaving with us...this situation is the perfect example I needed to stop that crap...yes opening but I could have done without....
Happy Monday Everyone :)