sabato 31 gennaio 2009

FBR Open 2009

This is THE biggest winter event in the Phoenix-Scottsdale area and it is something people look forward to for months before it happens.
It is a small international golf tournament held in North Scottsdale, under a usually gorgeous weather and with tons of people taking part to the kermesse.
I have always been interested in attending but never had the chance to go, until this year my golf friend Stefanie invited me and Michelle to join her and her girlfriends for a crazy Saturday out in the sun...why not? In Italy is snowing like crazy and it's freezing, what's worng with enjoying nice 25 degrees Celsius at the end of January?
So the morning starts at 8.30am , trying to convince the girls that I did not need to dress up to see a golf event and finally giving up and taking their suggestion to wear trendy jeans and high heels....Armani Exchange greyish super tight jeans, Nolita orange tank top and my super Italian black butterfied sandals are the outfit I decided to wear for this girls day out...and of course my red hair staright, for a change, since I got the order not to straighten it to go to Milan...yes Sir!I decided to have it straight for this crazy weekend out...and I am loving it because it is so not the usual me that I can play around and be a bit crazier than usual....is it really possible?!?
So we get to the event around noon, after way too many lines and way to many restrictions (small tiny purse, no cell phones etc...) but the reward of being outside in this unbelievably great weather is enough...of course we start drinking like there is no tomorrow, and soon enough we are laughing and people watching, making fun of the ultimate Scottsdale crowd, made of pure plastic ("Will it melt in the sun?" is my question) and easily recognizable for the general lack of brain, well depicted by Michelle's sentence:"I feel like I am losing my brain cells just by standing next to these people")....the girls can work up their magic and let us in the prive' where we can sit, eat and drink for free, and still enjoy the scenes of girls and guys playing the same old game of seduction, which is very funny if played by drunk characters....
Anyway it is 6pm and we are starving, the slim over cooked hot dog and the Cold Cream ice cream were not enough for the amount of drinks we had and we cheerishly walk to the parking lot, going to Spinato's Pizza for a real fat and filling meal...
While eating we are talking about this fun yet crazy day out together, and I shut my brain to the others a bit while I start thinking how happy content satisfied and especially proud of myself I am in moments like this one....I came here not knowing anyone, and since I have been here I have already started the socializing process from ground zero 3 times, and I have always made it work perfectly and nicely...all by myself, all because of who I am and what I want and what i decide to due and pursue, all because I try not to give up unless I am really forced to, all because if I am stuck on doing or getting something I am not happy until I actually get it, or until I drop it because I realize I don't care anymore, the efforts is too big for what the thing is worth...so I made new friends from zero when I moved in 2004, when Stefano and I broke up in 2007, when the Tbirds left in January 2008 and again now, because life goes on and that is its beauty...so the girls are still laughing and chewing and drinking and I smile, because I like who I am and what I am, with all my defects and my irritating behaviors, with all my qualities and my positive bright sides...I smile at myself and at the fact that deep down I know I can achieve almost what I want if I really want it...I am strong stubborn and I can be as committed as it goes...no, I am necessarily thinking about that particular person who appears and disappears Houdini style, but now that i think about it, his latest disappearance has been kind of blurred by the sun, the magical atmosphere, the company and the drinks at the FBR, together with the words of Michells's dad while walking to my car, words that are stuck in my head and that move me a lot and make me smile at the same time....and yes, he will get in touch with me, Houdini style...
Good night golfers and not...mlxx...

martedì 27 gennaio 2009

Un arcobaleno che sta li' un quarto d'ora non lo si guarda piu'

Martedi', la mia giornata pilates casalingo, emails e catch up con il computer, riordino della casa e lettura pre nanna...la mia giornata per me, per dedicarmi un po' di quel tempo che passa tanto troppo in fretta e davvero ti svegli la mattina e vai a letto la sera senza bene renderti conto di dove l'hai messo passato sprecato goduto...e cosi' tra i propositi di questo 2009 pieno di belle speranze c'e' anche, il pole position, quello di passare una serata tranquilla con me myself and I almeno una volta alla settimana, per slow down e godermi quella me stessa che a volte trascuro abbastanza, anche senza volerlo perche' semplicemente presa dalle mille opportunita' sociali che mi si presentano via via e a cui devo ancora imparare a dire NO se No e' quello che voglio..assertivita' e' uno degli altri buoni propositi targato 2009..chissa' quanti di questi ce la faranno ad arrivare anche solo al mio compleanno, I wonder...
Cosi' domenica ho deciso di cominciare a dedicare un po' di tempo a me stessa e alla mie cose, catching up con le emails, i curriculums da aggiornare etc...il tempo non era un granche', un po' di sole ma freschino, cena con i genitori di Michelle alle 18, ti spezza un po' il pomeriggio, non puoi fare grandi cose, il weekend iniziato gia' alla grande con sms e email a seguire, che cosa voglio di piu'?! Insomma mentre sono immersa nello schermo del mio Toshiba ormai antidiluviano e penso a se mai il telefono arancione suonera' illuminandosi tutto stile discoteca, eccole li' le luci della ribalta, a fare fare al mio muscolo centrale i salti delle Olimpiadi, rischiando di non farmici arrivare a questi benedetti e temutissimi 30 anni..."Hello" "Hi, it's me"...per la seria "Quelli che quando rispondono al citofono dicono sono Io"!...wow....eccoci qui, la domenica ha gia' raggiunto il suo perche', i curriculum non potrebbero essere meglio scritti, il sole non e' piu' malato, domani non e' nemmeno lunedi', perche' sono qui e ora, a godermi questa domenica lunatica alla Vasco o buona alla Venditti, sicuramente eccezionale unica particolare mia...talking joking laughing per 1 ora e io davvero non ci credo, come potrei?! Forse la cena dall'amico italiano con vino ha aiutato allo scioglimento della lingua di colui che solitamente non si lascia cosi tanto trascinare e un pensiero fugace alla telefonata alla ex in momento di ebbrezza a Londra lo faccio, ma scompare subito, io sono io e non credo lui sia a quei livelli di ebbrezza...anyway, I try to hold myself back, cannot risk to be hurt or hang on to weird and way too high expectations, so I just relax, go with the flow, enjoy his voice and the conversation...e piu' mi trattengo dal fare i miei soliti piani progetti e dal fare domande che presuppongano un noi da qualche parte, piu' e' lui a farlo, a chiedere, voler programmare, esporsi per quel poco pochino che fa lui...e io holding back, cercando disperatamente di non cedere....ce la faccio quasi bene e la conversazione si chiude smoothly come e' iniziata, sono gia' le 4, devo prepararmi e raggiungere Michelle & Co, potrei anche andare a piedi tanta e' l'energia e l'adrenalina che mi scorrono in corpo, sara' sicuramente una bella serata, aspettando per i dettagli di un volo da comunicare al mio interlocutore...ma non facciamo piani, let's simply go with the flow and see where we end up....adesso la palla ce l'ho in mano io, devo scrivere e da li' aspettare che il telefono arancione mi mostri nuovamente la sua danza luccicante...non aspetto altro, per il momento sono poche le altre cose che fanno curvare cosi' tanto all'insu' la mia bocca come quello scontato, "Hello it's me"......
E mentre canto gloriosa e sorridente l'inno alla gioia di beethoven, beautiful mess, etc..ripeto a me stessa, per essere certa di non dimenticarmene, alcune frasi selezionate dal poema splendido di Mae Angelou e quella, sharp e un po' pungente della cara sig.ra Thatcher:"To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best"...ecco un altro proposito da aggiungere alla lista 2009....

lunedì 19 gennaio 2009

Black, White, Grey.....

This is what I am thinking while I am flying over the ocean to reach that other part of the world that for the time being I call home.
Black and white because as I think about my month in Italy and my return to Phoenix I find myself focusing on the positive and negative sides of both places and the life I lead in each of them.
Why am I doing this? well, don't really know, my mind drags me down this path and I cannot help following it and gewtting involved in it more than I planned or would like to, because I can already foresee where it will take me...probably not where I want to be while trying to concentrate about this new season in Phoenix and all the great things it will bring...because 2009 will be just a perfect gorgeuos satisfying and happy year, no matter what.
So I close my eyes, the plane is almost empty and I can lay down in 3 seats, as if I was in bed, and my mind starts the game of comparison....Bologna in the center of my heart with the vibrant social life, my old and dear girlfriends, their support, our chats and laughs, the pleasant walking distances, the weekends at the beach or somewhere around Italy, the convenience of taking a plane and being in another country....Phoenix in the center of my mind because it's where I live and where I have to lead my daily life, Phoenix with its unbeatable weather, its commodities, my house, my cats, my independency, Michelle and our crazy nights out, learning to golf, riding my convertible with the top down, my curls not affected by the humidity, being too far to hop on a plane and visit friends...yes, this is one of the grey areas...if I know I can take a flight and be in someone's arms in 1 hour, I want to do it every weekend and it breakes my heart not being able to, reason why I am happy to be so far not to able to even think about that, as impossible as it is, feeling immediately better, given the situation...in the same grey way, if I am indipendent sometimes I feel lonely, nobody to have breakfast with and to say good morning to as soon as I wake up, but feeling good because I am the one deciding what to do when and how...and while I am thinking about these grey spots between Bologna and Phoenix I realize that I should allow some grey to enter in my judgements, which are usually black or white, as it is the effect I have on other people, either they like me a lot or they don't at all, black or white, no room for indecision or mixed feelings, no grey areas that, as I discover in this moment, can sometimes make you feel better about what you think...and a wise phrase comes into my mind:"There is no right decision, you take a decision and deal with it"...bewcause sometimes black and white can be too limiting and you need to allow the grey to enter in the picture of your judgement to make it more real and maybe even more bearable.
So while I am reconsidering grey as an option (and no, not only for those grey green eyes), I find a page of my 2009 Inner Bitch calendar saying:"Everywhere is within a walking distance if you have the time"...and as nice this sentence is, in this particular moment it leaves me disappointed because once again I could not find a way out of this endless comparison between my two homes, my two countries, my two lives....and this is what grey is for me, finally MAYBE, being able to accept the good and bad sides of both places and make the most out of them both, waiting to see what the future holds for me and if at some point I will be able to take a decision...not the right one, just the one which at that moment feels right to me.
For the time being I sit in my backyard full of sun watching the pictures of teh snow in Bologna and smiling, eager to start this new year and see how it will unfold before me, knowing that it will be absolutely fantastic, just because I want it to be and I believe that it will be.

martedì 6 gennaio 2009

That posh accent

..which gives me goose bump and which I was not sure I would have listened to again, at least talking to me over the phone...
But sometimes things just happen when we least expect them, and so I find myself sitting on the couch of my bedroom talking joking laughing while finally relaxing as the conversation unfolds, and it does not even seem real that we are talking again and as usual he is laughing whatever I say, with that laugh of his that is at the same time childish and charming, and that makes me feel good and laugh by default...and as usual I would have so many things to say and talk about, it's been such a long time that we haven't talked over the phone, but I don't want to overdo it, I have to take it easy and slow, and leave him chose the pace of the conversation, while he starts to unfold himself and I for sure don't want to scare him with my enthusiasm and my "being too much and too intense"...so I back up and let myself go with the flow, his flow, which unexpectedly takes us to make some sort of plans to see each other before I leave again...and for two days I find myself entertained by our evening phone conversations, talking joking laughing, with him trying to teach me the proper British english and me trying to make fun of him, which I am not that successful at...I finally book my flight to Birmingham, January 8 to 11, don't know where he will take me and it does not matter, I don't care, it is his call, his game, his choice...I still cannot believe that we are able to spend some days together without having planned it but last minute, and all I can think of it this time to be just the best, to welcome this new year which we have not started together but at the end what does it matter anyway?, to enjoy each other 360°, to make the most out of what we got given the difficult and sometimes impossible situation we have....in the midst of this happiness and anxiety because after all it's 5 months that we haven't seen each other and many little things have silently and not that silently happened between us, I receive his text last night, giving me all sort of advice about which clothing to bring for the weekend..it is so sweet yet serious and order like that makes me smile and, if possible, even looking more forward to this weekend to come as soon as possible...but now the dilemma is: do I behave like the perfect girl and leave my white fur hat at home or do I behave like myself and take it with me?!..I guess this is the least of my dramas, while I close my eys and the only thing I can see are those green grey eyes, apparently darker "because I haven't seen the sun in a while"looking at me at the Arrival area of the Birmingham airport...because as Jenny always says:"We don't always need to plan, we can just let it go and see what happens..."

Ridere ridere ridere ancora..

..ecco come è iniziato il mio 2009, ridendo a crepapelle con la Carlotta e la Jenny in centro a Rimini e nel corridoio dell'hotel prima di andare a nanna...ridere perchè abbiamo bevuto 2 bottiglie di vino in 3 e qualche altro coktail e soprattutto perchè alla fine quello che sembrava u8n last minute plan raffazzonato dai nostri rispettivi cambiamenti di piani è stato un capodanno spensierato e felice, dal quale prendere tutta l'energia necessaria a cominciare questo nuovo anno nel migliore dei modi possibili.
E prese dalla felicità di questo 2009 che inizia e dalla curiosità di vedere cosa ci riserverà, il 2 gennaio io e la Jenny siamo partite per 2 giorni di "scampagnata lavorativa" in Toscana per vedere degli hotels con cui lavorare.
La giornata comincia a Firenze, dove ci fermiamo per salutare Carlotta e per fare lo shopping del piumino della Jenny...alla fine lei non trova nulla mentre io compro uno dei capi indispensabili per completare il mio stile invernale, una cuffia di pelliccia bianca candida che mi fa guadagnare occhiate di tutti i tipi mentre camminiamo nel cuore della snobbissima Firenze...
Arriviamo alla tenuta del barone nel primo pomeriggio, fa un freddo eccessivo e c'è un'aria lunare che fa sembrare questo borgo medievale ancora piu' deserto e bello, facendoci venire la voglia di rimanerci per un weekend di puro relax...dopo la visita alla struttura e le foto di rito, partiamo alla vota di San Gimignano, ma sopraffatte dalla fame ci fermiano in un mini bar sulla strada, tipico della campagna italiana, dove indulgiamo in un panino finocchiona-pecorino, nemico della mia linea ma amico dei sensi e del sorriso, tanto ci sembra di essere tornate ragazze, guidando senza pensieri mentre chiaccheriamo dei nostri casini più o meno serii...
Cantando, ridendo e godendo del panorama arriviamo in questo hotel nei pressi di San Gimignano che porta via per bellezza classe eleganza...è pieno di gente che legge nella hall, si rilassa nel centro benessere al pian terreno, ed ha la classica atmosfera rossa e oro che tanto mi piace ritrovare quando torno a casa per le feste di Natale...la Jenny si innamora e capisce che quella dei centri benessere è proprio la sua strada, mentre io mi perdo nella bellezza della villa e dei giardini, dimenticando quasi di avere ricevuto un sms come lo aspettavo da tempo, che mi fa brillare gli occhi e fa sembrare questa giornata perfetta ancora piu' perfetta...perchè credo che sia vero, Happy go lucky...
Dopo esserci rinfrancate lo spirito con la bellezza della villa appena visitata, ci rimettiamo in moto, con un freddo che ci piega le orecchie, Jason Mraz che non ce la fa più a cantare e Beyoncè che lo sostituisce e arriviamo a Lucca nel mezzo della sera, accolte dal sorridente proprietario della Locanda che ci fa sentire più che a casa nostra e che mi fa, per un momento solo, rimpiangere la cancellazione del mio viaggio natalizio in questo stesso luogo, ma si tratta di un fuggevole attimo dato dalla romantica perfezione di questo luogo, prima di concludere la nostar scampagnata con la tanto attesa cena di pesce a Viareggio, per la quale devi prenotare 2 mesi prima e che cmq non ti delude mai...la giornata finisce con un drink e tante risate, prima di darci la buona notte in una camera affrescata con le finistre sul giardino di un convento in centro a Lucca, quasi come a chiudere quel cerchio per il quale ci siamo incontrate 18 anni fa alla scuola delle suore, aspettando i regali di un sabato in un pò troppa Toscana come cantava Vecchioni, all'insegna dello shopping e della salda amicizia femminile.